Books Worth Reading: The Danish Way of Parenting
The Book: The Danish Way of Parenting: What the Happiest People in the World Know About Raising Confident, Capable Kids, by Jessica Joelle Alexander and Iben Sandhal
That’s it. I’m moving to Denmark! Okay, maybe not, but have you ever wondered why they’ve been voted one of the happiest countries in the world for something like 50 YEARS running? This book sheds a little light on this mystery, and I’ll give you a hint: it starts with the upbringing. The authors introduce you to a parenting style that is in some ways foreign and in some ways insanely logical to those of us living in the United States. But first things first. What is the “Danish” Way?
The Way of the Danes
While various books have been published on trying to uncover their secrets, it likely stems from how they raise their children. By raising kids to be emotionally secure, resilient, and happy, they grow into adults that are emotionally secure, resilient, and happy. The cycle continues from there. It sounds so simple, and yet may require a complete overhaul of your parenting style. And let’s face it, change is hard.
We all start this parenting thing with our own set of “default settings”. These settings stem from our upbringing along with the intrinsic beliefs that are ingrained in each society. In my experience growing up in America, we all want to reach that “American Dream”, and the freedom of this country can make that possible when compared to some other countries. However, it also leads to fierce competition in almost every aspect of life. Whether it’s for grades, sports, or baking cookies for a bake sale, we are taught to strive to be the best.
That adds layer upon layer of stress and anxiety to our kids and adults alike. That stress leads to “misbehavior” on the part of both kids and adults. I am certainly no stranger to losing my cool with my kids and yelling when I’m frustrated about something else entirely. We are all human, after all. But what if there is a better way? What if we focused more on raising self-aware, resilient, happy kids like the Danes (and most other Nordic Countries)? Thankfully, this book has some tools to help us accomplish just that.
The Danish Way of Parenting
This book starts with a simple acronym that describes the six main categories for parenting the Danish way: P.A.R.E.N.T. Easy to remember, right? Here is what each of these letters stands for along with a short description of each one:
Play
Why letting your kids play freely can lead to strong social and collaborative skills along with the resilience to deal with whatever life throws their way.
Authenticity
Teaching our kids the importance of honesty by being honest and non-judgmental with both our children and us. Using process praise to help form a growth mindset rather than a fixed mindset.
Reframing
Learning how to find the positive aspects of a situation rather than focusing on the negatives and teaching our kids to do the same. Acknowledging reality while eliminating unnecessary aspects of that reality.
Empathy
Most (if not all) parents want their children to have strong internal compasses to lead them in the right direction through life, but how do we help strengthen this compass? One way is through teaching (and modeling) empathy.
No Ultimatums
Avoid power struggles by striving for an authoritative (rather than authoritarian) parenting style. Children are inherently good, so it’s important to distinguish the behavior from the child (the behavior is bad, not the child). This one is the hardest for me, but they give tons of tips and examples in this section!
Togetherness and Hygge (Coziness)
Fostering strong relationships with family and our social networks leads to more happiness. Creating a cozy Hygge atmosphere can help strengthen that feeling of connectedness.
Main Takeaway
It’s not too late to make a shift in your family culture. If you feel your family could use a change, consider taking some cues from the happiest people on earth! The P.A.R.E.N.T. model is a great tool to help you raise resilient, happy kiddos, who grow up to be resilient, happy adults.
What I Liked
I found this book insightful and definitely plan to use some of the tips and tricks listed in each chapter. I filled it with notes and tabs so that I can easily find the sections that stood out to me (and have my husband read those parts as well). Here are a few other things I appreciated about this book:
The Organization
I’m a bit Type-A, so I love it when non-fiction books are organized in a way that makes it easy to quickly find a section you want to refer back to.
Small Bites
I have two very active boys, so it’s convenient for me when I can read a section or two and then stop as needed without totally losing the message.
The Tips
I love that each section finishes off with a list of tips for implementing the strategies. I ended up putting tabs on these pages so I can quickly find them when I need some ideas on how to handle a situation.
What I Didn’t Like
There was very little I disliked about this book. I will say it got a little repetitive at times regarding praise for the Danes and their way of life. Also, I would have liked to see a bit more connection between the scientific studies they cite and the points they were trying to make. It seemed like they were reaching at times to make those connections.
The Verdict
I would recommend this book to any parent or caregiver who wants to improve their family dynamic, break the cycle of high-stress upbringings, or just wants a few more tips for helping your kids live their best lives. It’s a quick read that is chock-full of useful tips for doing all those things. Who couldn’t use a little extra happiness in their lives?
You can also check out their website, The Danish Way, for more tips and articles on parenting.
Do you have a favorite parenting, self-help, homeschooling, or another non-fiction book that has made a positive impact on your life? Let me know in the comments below!